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Below you will find several photos for comparison. These photos are: 1) the original photo of the real Download Kim, 2) a photo of the imposter, 3) a comparative analysis of a recent photo of Cranky, and finally 4) a bonerfied new photo of the true Download Kim in order to put things in their place.

Please, if this sort of stuff offends you, do not gaze further down the page. Merely, shut your browser now.

Otherwise, don't get overly worried if you cannot stop yourself from looking at the lovely Miss Download Kim (we certainly couldn't), because help is on the way, and the IP#'s of all those who are offended will be blocked starting tomorrow night anyway. That should settle it.

Here is the first photo.

This little piggie went to market...and this little piggie kicked their asses all the way home!
The real deal, Download Kim

The photo immediately above is of course the true Download Kim.

Obviously it is her, and there is no doubt about it. She is checking her equipment for the ride, and making sure all her toes are firmly attached. She is otherwise oblivious to the other riders around her. She is certainly going through her visualization exercises about how she will attack, and on what hills, plus where she plans to begin her sprint at the finish.

Maybe people like Twin Lynn or Cranky might not "get it," but only SlingShot could ever mistake the person above for any other than our esteemed Download Kim.

Compare the upper photo to the one below—a different situation altogether.

Boys... oh, boys... wanna party? I got the goods, and it won't cost you much.
Crack whore, a Download Kim impersonator

Only SlingShot could be fooled by this woman (term used advisedly) in the second photo. Obviously she is a skank-ass harlot of the worst sort. How dare she show up at the Big-V parking-lot during Hump festivities and try to pawn herself off as our precious Download Kim.

In the second photo, note the come hither stance, the lithesome long stretch of loin obviously poised in invitation. You are certain to be offended by the ever so slightly, tad too tense, upper arm—almost shouting, "Is this not strength? Do you not want it!?" We need not mention the ravishing fall of hair. This is a conscious and polished pose for effect.

Could anything be more blatant, more disgusting? Not only is this woman keenly aware of everybody around her, she is actually inviting their attentions, if not their credit cards. Keep your eyes peeled for this trollop and toss her from our midst.

Now compare both upper photos to the one of Cranky below.

Can I be "Download Cranky"?
Cranky; or, if you will, Princess Cranky Pea

The juxtaposition of Cranky's photo to that of the Download Kim wannabe reveals immediately how the wannabe photo has been altered in Photoshop. Apparently it was not enough for the Download Kim imposter to merely mimic the true Download Kim, but she had to go out of her way to enhance an already outrageous photo before submitting it to American Road Cycling.

Those who are not familiar with the editing potential of digital media may have missed it before, but now you see without fail that the Download Kim impersonator's photo (second one down) has been radically altered to make it even more attractive to prurient interest. This fact is possibly missed when viewing the photo by itself, but easily observed by comparing the faked photo to the other two unaltered photos: the one of the real Download Kim at the very top, and the one of Cranky nearest above this paragraph.

Nobody looks like that bogus Download Kim impersonator photo, and nobody ever will. Though, it still does not come close to exhibiting the same natural qualities of unvarnished beauty as does our Cranky all dressed in blue.

Unfortunately, we still must disappoint Cranky. As for her becoming Download Cranky, that is something not in her cards. She has still come up lacking compared to Kim. We can see that she is really trying, so maybe some surgical cosmetic enhancement would tip the scales.

Now for the summary.

Yeah, right! I got better at home.
Bonus photo of the true Download Kim

We still can't figure out why Gary is scratching his head, but at least SlingShot has finally gotten his own head straightened out.


this page last updated:
02/01/2015 10:39:00 PM

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