American Road Cycling: About

About

Although the American Road Cycling web site is full of irreverent humor and strong language, the driving force is to lobby for preservation of riders' rights with public education regarding those rights and bicycling safety. Please JOIN the MEMBERSHIP.

For more information about our Freedom of Speech roots see: The Spin Bitch Chronicles

Presidents

Bob Fugett (Specialist in calling himself "we" or in the third person)
Dan McNeilly (President in charge of facing the corner)

Board of Presidents (ARC Specialty: extrapolation)

Dan Buckley (Button Pusher: nuclear weapons)
Lynn Meyer (Ride Angel: getting all her A's in a row)
Dr. Art Donohue (Chiropractor: ARC's favorite pull donkey)
Mary Endico (Web Search Diva: otherwise in charge of kicking Mr. Fugett's ass)
Mary Ellen Calandrillo (Scone Diva: otherwise in charge of kicking Jimmy Nails' ass)
Dr. John Handago (Orthopedic Surgeon: he has worked on you already, or he will)
Paul Latrine (Anchor Store: every mall needs one)
Richard Vincent (Maniac)
Kevin "Zirra" Hetzel (Cyclist at Large: very large)
Frank Guarnuccio (Foreign Correspondent: Dark Horse Cycles)
Twin George Meyer (Photo Journalist: Shining bad light on Widder)

Board of Everything to Every Man Presidents

Kevin Douchbag Haley

Contributing Presidents (in no specific order)

Dan Sullivan, Jimmy Calandrillo, Dr. Art Donohue, Jim Amels, Ken Olshansky, Lynn Meyer, George Meyer, Grant Salter, Paul Latrine, Kevin Haley, Doug Allen, Mary Ellen Calandrillo, Chris Joyce, Richard Vincent, Dan Buckley, Bruce Pollard, Kevin Hetzel, Humberto Cavalheiro, Tony Defeo, Don Stark, Robb Daley, Clay Boone, Joe Straub, Frank Guarnuccio, Richard Cruet, Scott Macmillin, Larry Vincent, Kathleene Krumme, John Mitchell, Marchand, Mary Endico, Mike Bocchino, Brian Vincent, Dr. Charlie Brown, Randy Dakan, Dr. John Handago, Keith Libutti, Richard Lawrence, Jennifer Shortess, Gary Walters, Brian Dunlevy, Lauren Warren, Jimmy Williams, Tom Gustainis, Jerry Latrine, Steve Jinks, Matt Vincent, Brian Vincent, Larry Vincent, Richard Vincent, Mike Norton, Heather Labance, Dan McNeilly, more credits coming soon as I can catch my breath and nail down some more last names for the likes of: Hernando, Fuji, Tail, DeRosa, etc.

Major Funding Provided by

Mary Endico - Funding President

Mission Statement

American Road Cycling supports stage races and road bicycling on U.S. roadways and applies pressure to governmental bodies to enact bike friendly legislation. Also American Road Cycling works to increase public awareness of existing cycling rights, biking safety, and the health benefits of competitive cycling both informal and formal.

Motto

Shut up and pull!

Rules

Rule #1: There ain't no rules.
Rule #2: There ain't no other rules neither.

Actually there is one rule. It is the rule of safety. Wear your helmet, and obey traffic laws.

Otherwise, be aware that this site may contain strong language and trash talk that is not suitable for minors. It is not for the slow, the squeamish, and the easily shaken. There are plenty of other organizations lip servicing that pitiful crowd. Just be careful when you pass by them. They are all whining little crybabies.

Regulations

Willful disregard of any of the following regulations should be immediately reported to the American Road Cycling Board of Directors in order to insure they will take no action whatsoever. Timely reporting is essential so the Board can efficiently continue doing not the slightest.

1) The absolute and irrefutably most important aspect of any American Road Cycling ride is the average speed. This shall always be calculated in the manner prescribed in the next paragraph.

1.1) Each rider's specific average is termed their raw average. The total of all raw averages reported by each trip computer on a given ride is calculated. This total is then divided by the number of computers reporting. This sub-final average is then conformed to the American Road Cycling base index by adding two miles an hour to it. This is not a rule.

1.2) Addendum: During a meeting held near the end of Silence of the Lambs on 04/08/05, Mr. Latrine has expanded on the above procedure by suggesting that before the calculation of the sub-final, the lowest of the averages reported should be discarded. It was concluded that this in effect means Mr. Fugett need never report his average. In the same meeting Mr. Fugett expanded on Mr. Latrine's addendum by stating that a phone call should be made to Iron Mike Norton in order to find out what his average was on his previous day's workout. In that way a mitigating figure is applied to the other ride averages being reported. All agreed this made perfect sense and would increase the accuracy of calculations, so long as the ancillary figures provided by Iron Mike are within 36 hours of the current ride, plus at least one of the roads he traveled connected to the current ride's roads in some manner or another. In the event Iron Mike cannot be contacted for comment, it shall be customary to add a figure of 40 mph to the reported averages. This is approximately a rule.

2) Any rider who is in actual training for a scheduled race shall be absolved from any participation in averaging, so long as they realize that, despite good reasons to the contrary, they will still be considered a total wuss until such time they report a level of success in whatever race(s) their training is targeting.

2.1) The reporting of personal race results is prohibited.

3) No participant in any American Road Cycling ride is allowed to taunt, trigger, cajole, corral, corner, caress, haunt, harry, or harass, in any way that would distract them from their stated goal, any other rider who is in actual training. This is not a rule.

3.1) Mr. Fugett is himself expressly exempt from this "no triggering" regulation, because he has never been able to do any of these things anyway.

4) All rides shall be measured using neither English Miles, nor Metric Kilometers but rather the number of Humps or percentage thereof. This is a direct harassment of Mary Endico who hates being told on a 100 mile ride that she has only just finished one Hump and has two more to go. Therefore, American Road Cycling members are now encouraged to say as often as possible such things as, "This ride will be one point four Humps long." This regulation was of course the origin of the question, "Do you prefer one Hump, or two?"

4.1) Ride averages may now be reported in the manner such as, "We did 3 Humps at 20," or "We're goin' out for an easy spin. Hump and a half. We'll be back in two hours." See also: Regulation 1, which is a direct harassment of Nuclear Dan.

Membership Requirements

Membership in American Road Cycling (ARC) is open to any U.S. citizen domiciled anywhere in the world who wishes to become fit, fast, and strong through road cycling and who understands the main goal of ARC is to keep rides long and meetings short.

In addition, if you are an illegal alien residing in the U.S. you may also be a member of American Road Cycling and thus preserve your right to ride your bicycle unrestricted anywhere in accordance with local laws. Just do not submit a form, and we will not post your name, plus you should not tell anybody you are an illegal. Especially do not mention American Road Cycling if the INS ever pulls you over. If you get caught, well...you are on your own, because American Road Cycling assumes responsibility for almost nothing, and in particular (despite being itself one of the major draws) American Road Cycling is not responsible for everybody having a dream to move to the best country in the world. In any case, enjoy your American Road Cycling membership, and thank you for growing our food.

Actually, in case you've missed it, the word America indicates two large land masses and associated minor flotsam floating about (albeit slowly) on the earth's western hemisphere. These land masses are inclusive of much more than the mere United States. Therefore probably more people are eligible for membership than has been stated. However, any mathematics that is not found on a trip computer (or heart rate monitor) holds no interest for us, so we will speculate no further on populations.

Membership Responsibilities

American Road Cycling is merely a group of interesting people with a tacit understanding that the health benefits of competitive biking (both formally and informally) outweigh the risks of riding on public roadways—roadways on which we have an absolute legal right to traverse with our bicycles and which we support and maintain with our tax dollars.

Membership responsibilities are exactly the same as the responsibilities of the American Road Cycling BOARD MEMBERS which are: "...to ride their bikes whenever they feel like it."

For details see: FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

Editorial Policy

All content, comment, and non-sense on the American Road Cycling web site is solely the responsibility of President, Bob Fugett. Nobody else mentioned herein is the least bit culpable for the bad language, bad intent, and bad news provided. In other words, it is not their fault.

Especially, Board Members must be held free from harm, as they were only included on the lists by Mr. Fugett who sent them e-mail afterwards. Those who responded with ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES did so via a quick e-mail that they clearly sent before considering the consequences. To date, none of them have had the guts to acquire an attorney in order to have their names removed. So, if you have a problem with this site, you can take it up with Fugett. Be advised beforehand, however, he does not give a rat's ass about your myopic little squinty eyed view of the world.

Additionally, be aware that people who are found on the MEMBERSHIP LIST do not indemnify the remainder of this site in any way. They are not in the least bit privy to the politics, the pandering, nor the proselytizing made in the privacy of the smokeless rooms where all decisions are ultimately made solely at the indiscretion of Fugett. They wish only to mention that they like to ride their bicycles on the roads according to local laws. They would also like somebody, somewhere, sometime to mention the fact that they do in fact have the right to ride on these roads. [Editor's Note: After all, they do pay for these roads—with taxes, not with club dues.]

Finally, any and all inaccuracies found in the stories recounted on this site are fully in keeping with long standing American Road Cycling policy which dictates, "The story shall always take precedence over the facts—so long as most peoples' names are spelled with some degree of correctness."

Legal

American Road Cycling is not now, and does not plan to become, a not-for-profit organization under Federal 501 guidelines. The members agree that the requirements attached to such quasi-certification are far too restrictive for the aggressive anarchic sort of cyclist (such as each of us) who wishes to ride rather than organize. The membership also finds it unnecessary to levy funding beyond the taxes they are already paying for the laying down and maintaining of the roads they ride. No mention is made of the irony that not-for-profit status usually indicates somebody has acted with the express intent to raise money. Nor is mention made of the fact that organizations are most often assembled with the clear intent of absolving each and every member from any personal responsibility whatsoever for anything at all. The usual instrument toward the accomplishment of this is the passing of all decisions into a committee or board where the question is debated until any action taken is always posthumous to the problem. Of course, little inconsequential programs are routinely carried out in order to give the appearance that something is being done.

American Road Cycling is also reluctant to go through the bureaucratic non-sense of securing its name with Trademark, DBA, or Incorporation procedures. These steps are increasingly meaningless, because the Internet already provides ample opportunity for names and their association to be published world-wide. Plus various local laws world-wide (such as in countries outside the U.S., for example China) may actually circumvent anybody's ability to protect interest in a name in any case.

In order to protect the name of 'American Road Cycling' as best we can without enlisting legions of legal staff, the .COM, .NET, and .ORG domain name registrations were secured on 03/03/05 (by our benevolent and soft spoken President, Bob Fugett) pursuant to web searches completed which revealed that the term American Road Cycling was not being used in any significant organizational, commercial, or non-commercial context. Who'd a thunk it? Case closed.

Fees (as of 03/03/05, continued at least through 05/31/11, probably current as of today which was 12/03/11 last time I checked)

Lifetime Membership: 2¢

You should first submit a MEMBERSHIP FORM. Afterwards you may put in your two cents whenever you feel like it.

The most important benefit of membership will be having your name tallied in the centralized database used to inform U.S. political, legislative, and administrative bodies about the size and scope of interest in American Road Cycling and urge them to enact appropriate legislation while providing helpful public awareness programs.

On completion and submittal of the MEMBERSHIP FORM your Name, Nom de Guerre (nickname), City, and State will automatically be included on the LIST OF MEMBERS unless on the form you select "Do not publish any of my Contact Information on this web site."

You will also immediately acquire all benefits provided by membership, which are: all rights already assured to you as a tax paying U.S. citizen confirming your legitimate right to ride your bicycle on all roads where it is legal in accordance with local laws. This legitimate road use is much broader than most are aware. Additionally you will garner the right to wave your official American Road Cycling ID under the widening eyes of other people as if it actually meant something.

Confirmation that you have joined American Road Cycling will be sent to you in a one time only e-mail notification. We are not going to be sending you junk e-mail, nor engage you in endless lengthy conversations about the daisies, the cute wildlife, and the fun things to eat along the rides. We are in it for the ride itself...and that is all.

For more about how American Road Cycling will use the information provided see the PRIVACY POLICY.

this page last updated: 09/02/2016 08:57:41 AM